We've all been in situations when a friend, family member or co-worker feels angry, disappointed or upset and wants to vent.
Often our instinct is to problem solve or try to diminish their difficulties in the hope of calming the situation.
We are often surprised that we have not brought them comfort through our suggestions, or by trying to put their issues into a perspective.
The truth is, that listening and validating their feelings rather than trying to solve them, is what is needed, to soothe and bring relief.
Here is an example of the importance of validation. It shows clearly how the lack of it can exacerbate a situation and the power of it can turn your loved one's storm into a calmer sea.
Well, are you?
Has anyone ever asked you that question? Your mother? Your spouse? Your son or daughter?
I've certainly been asked.
As Jacob ( my 11year old) has been recounting a story while I have been tidying the kitchen, lost in my own thoughts and checking my phone, he'll ask,
"Are you listening?"
Followed by
"Well what did I just say?"
I will be on the phone to my mom who is calling from London and she'll catch me short with,
"Gilly are you on the computer?"....( erm yes I am and I've been FB chatting with Benjy, looking at CNN/The Daily Mail and deciding what to have for dinner.........aaagh)
