Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey Through Grief

When I finished the very last words of the final acknowledgement, I closed the book, Leaning Into Love by Elaine Mansfield, hugged it to my chest and wept.

Elaine has written a manual for living when your spouse is dying. She has written a story so poetic and yet truth itself. 

Her writing is so honest and raw that you will cry with her, for her and for yourself and the losses you have been dealt and the resilience you have found.

You'll Be Surprised That This Is The Gift That Doesn't Get Old, Even When We Do.

The National Mall, Washington DC

As we head into the holiday season, which customs and traditions are you most looking forward to? 

Do you repeat those you enjoyed as a child?

Have you created new ones with your family?

It's hard to tell which ones stick with us through the years and why.

Along with the many benefits of bringing loved ones together, I have discovered that these traditions, often planted in childhood, can bring great and perhaps unexpected comfort and joy as we age and our short-term memories dissolve. 

Let me tell you about Cecilia....... 

You Are Not Alone.Finding Support When Life Gets Tough

It's been a long time since I sat in a classroom waiting for a group of children to join me. But that is where I found myself on a Wednesday lunchtime.

I was seated on one low chair of 7, around two equally low tables pushed together. A tupperware of crayons and a tissue box acted as  a center piece.

As the door opened, in ran Robert*, toothy grinned. He stopped to look around and asked me,

"Where are the others? I need to know who they've lost." 

And by this I think he meant, "Where are the other children like me?"

Parenting: What To Do When You Realize It's YOUR Attitude That Needs To Change, Not Your Kid's!

As he leaned over the toilet bowl for the sixth time this evening, (a repeat performance of a Sunday night the week before) all I could think was, 'poor Jacob.'

His chronic illness had made a return visit….

3 Things YOU Need To Know About Trigeminal Neuralgia: My Husband's Story

A while back, whilst working in Oregon, my husband, in agonizing pain, took himself to the emergency room at the local hospital. 

He had just suffered a severe burn, about 5 x3 inches, on his stomach. (How that happened, is a story for another time.)

The attending doctor asked him to rate his pain. He rated it an 8/10 on the pain scale. 

She was very surprised as she said she would have  expected a 10/10 and tells male patients, that this type of second degree burn is the worst pain they will ever experience. 

She added, 

"But having seen from your medical history, that you've had trigeminal neuralgia, I now know you've experienced worse pain than any burn like this could give you." 

Her comment was shocking. Not just because she was one of the few ER doctors who has heard of trigeminal neuralgia, but also because she re iterated, what sadly, we know: there is no known pain worse than that associated with trigeminal neuralgia…... 

If You Think You're Stuck With A Perpetual Job Description, Think Again - A Personal Journey

I have been shedding. 

Like a tree losing its leaves, a snake shaking off its skin, a caterpillar cocooned before its new life begins, I am preparing for a new phase and a Jewish new year. 

My shedding has taken place completely inside my head. 

I am not dropping leaves. You wouldn't know it from my skin and I haven't been spinning a cocoon.

There are no visible clues. 

My mind, however has been working furiously to get to this point. 

You see, I had been comfortably attached to my roles as wife of the Head of School and as serial caregiver to my husband and sons for many, many years…….

Desperate to Help Your Friend in Crisis? First Steps To Bringing Comfort

When a friend is depressed, has a major life change or is grieving, it is very tempting to want to rescue them from their sadness, anxiety and pain.

To shake them out of it.
To make them laugh.
To make everything normal.
To help them climb out of their darkness and brush off their fears, regrets, anger and despair.

We want them to feel better and feel alive. We want them to be part of our world which is familiar, comfortable and safe to us.

We want to tell our friend it's all going to be ok.
They will get over it.
They will move on.
This pain won't feel this deep, this stabbing, this visceral forever.


And I'm sure if they could they would want to return to that normality too.

They would desperately want the difficult times to pass quickly so that they could join you in your revelry.

They don't want to feel this angst any more than you can bear to watch it.

A Poignant, Powerful Gift with No Power Chord: What We Can Learn About Gift Giving & Bringing Comfort From a College Bound Teen

At the risk of stereotyping: one of the great things about teenage boys, (well my teenage boys) is that as long as they have some form of technology in their hands, they do not want very much else.

Last August when it came time to kit Aron out for his college room, he didn't seem to want or need anything.

Hangers? -I can take them from my wardrobe.

New blanket? - I'll take the one from my bed.

Garbage can? -I'll take the one from my room...and so it went on.

Aron, unlike many of his (female) friends did not want to buy up the brochure display of college rooms or have everything matching. 

I, on the other hand, wanted to buy him ONE new thing for his college room or at the very least, encourage him to use some of the generous gift cards he had received as graduation gifts. 

The Number ONE thing You Can Do to Set Your Child Up For Success in School.

Your children are about to go back to school and (apart from secretly or not so secretly, jumping up and down with excitement), you have been rushing around gathering everything they need for a smooth start.

You have assembled their

Superhero backpacks

School supplies

School clothes or uniform

School and medical forms

Lego themed Lunch boxes and healthy school snacks

Textbooks

PE kit

Locker decals, fancy highlighters and Frozen themed everything

And so on….

You are trying to get your kids back into some semblance of a normal bedtime routine and making sure they've done their summer reading and completed their math packets, even if it means 8 hours of reading, every day, from now until school begins.

You have checked all these things off and now you are left perhaps with your child's angst about the new school year and probably your own.

I have sat on both sides of the teacher's desk, as a classroom teacher, special needs practioner and Principal and as a parent for 21 years!

I have partnered with parents to ensure a good outcome for their kids and been that anxious parent with a litany of worries about my own three kids.

When school begins will they be with their friends, or make new ones?

Will they be bullied?

Will they stay organized?

 Will they manage to find their way from one classroom to the next?

Will they struggle with their writing?

Will they cope with the new math program?

Will they find the homework load manageable?

Is a second or third language too much for them to learn?

 And probably most importantly of all, will they have a great teacher or teachers who can help make a difference in all these areas?

The number one thing you can do to enhance the chances of a great school year is relatively simple, costs nothing but can have the biggest impact on your child's happiness and success…...

6 Ways to Bring Light Into a Dark World

Our world is in a period of great turmoil.

Negative clouds have thrown shadows over the goodness in the world.   

 The 24/7 news is bombarding us with images of hatred, death and destruction.

In addition to a daily diet of shootings, rape and racism, the news is now replete with the horrific actions of terrorist groups: ISIS, Boko Haram and Hamas. Children have been kidnapped and murdered. Planes have disappeared or been shot down. Overt anti-semitism has returned to Europe. And Ebola has reared its ugly head. 

Facebook, twitter and emails are filled to the brim with negativity and vitriolic, hateful comments.

We are feeling angry, afraid, anxious and depressed.

We feel like helpless witnesses to a world that is out of balance.

How can we temper this darkness  so that we don't sink into an abyss?

How can we possibly make a difference?

5 Blessings of a Skinned Knee, When You're 48 1/2

In    that        oh     so      slow-motion   moment     between   tripping   and      landing,     SLAP    on the flagstones,  
            I think I was…..airborne.

I don't remember it exactly.

I had an image flash by, of a woman in the distance, bringing her palms to either side of her 'o' shaped mouth. 

 I heard the crack of my iPhone screen, in my hand, as it met the sidewalk of a leafy Manhattan street.

 Landing on my hands and knees, I looked up to see a young couple peering down at me with great concern.

How Stories Help You Bring Comfort to Your Children During Scary Times.

My Dad was dying. 

I was devastated and I knew my children aged 3 and 5, would be too. 

I realized I needed to tell them what was happening and give them opportunities to ask questions. But I didn't feel I had the language  to explain to them in a way that would be meaningful, honest and age appropriate. 

As a matter of course, when my boys were small, we read together every night and this was a familiar ritual and a comforting time at the end of the day.

I love books and as a parent and educator, I know that appropriate stories are a great vehicle for introducing new ideas to children  and for calming their fears.

How to Be Mindful When Your Mind is Full: A Ridiculously Easy Step by Step Method

Have you or has someone you love, been extremely stressed in the last year?

If so, you and 50% of America, are in the same boat, according to a new survey from National Public Radio, Harvard School of Public Health and The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.

1 in 4 people reported stress last month and one in two were incredibly stressed over the course of the year.

Our stressors are not going away.

 Our fast paced lives and worries about problems, that are not in our control as the survey reports, are all compounding the stresses we are intimate with. Death of people we love, poor health for ourselves or loved ones, 24/7 caregiving, problems at work, financial difficulties and worries about our kids are a few examples.

You may not be able to take the causes of the stress away. 
But
you can take steps to manage how your mind and body responds to the stress 

How to Talk to Your Kids About Violent Death & Terrorism

The murders of three innocent teenage boys, captured at a bus stop in Israel, have brought the country to a standstill. Jewish people around the world are united in grief. 

 We are at a loss for words that this is the outcome. Many of us, together with our children, have kept vigil for 18 days, hoping and praying Eyal, Gilad and Naftali would come home alive. 

Now our fears have been realized, what do we do with all that pain, fear, anger and confusion? 

We have so many questions.

These are legitimate feelings and they need to be validated.
There are no bad or inappropriate feelings.

As we process our grief, we also need to consider our children, who are watching and learning from our responses. 

They will be listening to our conversations with other adults and learning about how we respond to bad news. 

Here are some things to remember:-

Lost For Words? 12 Suggestions For What to Say (And Not Say) to a Friend Who Is Bereaved or Dealing with a Trauma

The three of them, met up on a glistening Spring day. They picnicked under blossom-covered branches with a gaggle of families. Their children danced in and out of their vision, as they caught up on the 8 months since they'd last seen each other.

They discussed jobs and childcare, picky eaters and their children's schools.

Dafna kept an eye on her three young kids as the conversation continued. Lindsay a pediatrician and Jack an accountant, avoided the one topic that hung heavily between the three of them:- 

Dafna's husband.

On Parenting: How to Bring More Balance to Your Life and Comfort to Your Soul.

Do you remember when babies were your life?  When each day was a whirlwind of food stops and diaper changes and the need for more sleep.

What kept you going? 

What provided a counterbalance to your exhaustion and brought you joy?

Your baby's smile that crinkled her eyes when she spotted you?

 The sound of gurgling chatter from his crib? 

A blissful uninterrupted nap or shower....for you?


We all rush around depleting our emotional and physical energy reserves, responding to work deadlines, children's karate classes and our parents' failing health.

And when the opportunity comes to refuel, to take a long walk, a weekend away, a meal for two, or to join a celebration out of town, it sometimes seems easier to turn the chance down. 

We're too tired, We don't feel 100%. It will take so much planning to leave the kids for two days….and on we go. 

Sound familiar?

Remembering Debra 1964-2014

(You can listen to this post by clicking the arrow above)

A childhood friend died today, in London.

Debra had beautiful chestnut hair that always smelled FLEX-shampoo fresh, a lovely smile and a wicked sense of humor.

She had been fighting breast cancer for 18 years and she was only 49. She leaves behind, her husband and two children, her parents and sisters, their families and many, many friends.

The crowd of us who met up every weekend as teenagers, are scattered across the globe as adults. 

We may not have seen Debra recently or kept in touch, but Debra was part of the fabric of our social life then and her untimely passing, rips a hole in us now.

Warning:You May be Tripped Up by Unexpected Emotions! You're Not Alone.

(You can listen to me read this post by clicking on the arrow above)

I don't normally tell anyone when I'm going for a check-up at the doctor.  

It's almost like posting a picture of what I ate for dinner, on Facebook….. Not very interesting.

But on returning home from this particular visit, my emotions are choking me.

I feel tears welling and I'm shocked that my body is responding this way to a routine appointment.

But here's the thing…….. 

9 Simple Ways to Turn Negative Thoughts into Positive Feelings

(If you prefer, you can listen to this post by clicking on the arrow on the picture above)

Meet Sisi Gamble, my new role model. 

She was featured on the Facebook page, Humans of New York, (HONY)  last month and I cannot erase her message from my mind.

Sisi explained to Brandon, the creator and photographer of HONY, 

"For the longest time, I was so focused on being deaf in my left ear, that I almost forgot my other ear was perfectly fine. "

Sisi's words were so simple and yet so profound…..

Is Our Parenting & Teaching in Crisis? What We Can Do About Kids Failing to Be Kind.

(Click the arrow above to LISTEN to me read this post.)

Tom is adamant that he doesn't want a birthday party.

He's sure none of his classmates will want to come.



Tom is just turning 6, but he feels this very acutely.

He's tried making friends and has asked if he can join groups in the playground. The other 6 year olds say no. They're too busy to play with him!!( Where did they learn that phrase?)

Tom broke his leg a few weeks ago and now he can't run around during recess.

So he sits by himself. 

One activity  the other kids do want to do with Tom, is to play with his crutches. The teachers have told Tom he mustn't let them because it could cause an accident. Tom finds himself having to enforce this rule in the playground, further diminishing the other children's interest in him. 

Kindness is not an attribute Tom's classmates seem to connect with how they should behave with Tom.

It's devastating to Tom's mom to hear these stories when Tom comes home. He is sad and alone.

She's wondering why these children have failed to be kind……..