How to Talk to Your Kids About Violent Death & Terrorism

The murders of three innocent teenage boys, captured at a bus stop in Israel, have brought the country to a standstill. Jewish people around the world are united in grief. 

 We are at a loss for words that this is the outcome. Many of us, together with our children, have kept vigil for 18 days, hoping and praying Eyal, Gilad and Naftali would come home alive. 

Now our fears have been realized, what do we do with all that pain, fear, anger and confusion? 

We have so many questions.

These are legitimate feelings and they need to be validated.
There are no bad or inappropriate feelings.

As we process our grief, we also need to consider our children, who are watching and learning from our responses. 

They will be listening to our conversations with other adults and learning about how we respond to bad news. 

Here are some things to remember:-

Lost For Words? 12 Suggestions For What to Say (And Not Say) to a Friend Who Is Bereaved or Dealing with a Trauma

The three of them, met up on a glistening Spring day. They picnicked under blossom-covered branches with a gaggle of families. Their children danced in and out of their vision, as they caught up on the 8 months since they'd last seen each other.

They discussed jobs and childcare, picky eaters and their children's schools.

Dafna kept an eye on her three young kids as the conversation continued. Lindsay a pediatrician and Jack an accountant, avoided the one topic that hung heavily between the three of them:- 

Dafna's husband.

Who Benefits From Finding Silver Linings? You'll Be Very Surprised.

I am not a violent person.

In fact standing on tiptoes at 5'0, 
I avoid conflict if possible, speak quietly and generally try to look positively at the world. 

However.......

Finding Calm After an Emotional Storm: The Power of Validation

We've all been in situations when a friend, family member or co-worker feels angry, disappointed  or upset and wants to vent.

Often our instinct is to problem solve or try to diminish their difficulties in the hope of calming the situation. 

We are often surprised that we have not brought them comfort through our suggestions, or by trying to put their issues into a perspective.

The truth is, that listening and validating their feelings rather than trying to solve them, is what is needed, to soothe and bring relief.

Here is an example of the importance of validation. It shows clearly how the lack of it can exacerbate a situation and the power of it can turn your loved one's storm into a calmer sea.