A Poignant, Powerful Gift with No Power Chord: What We Can Learn About Gift Giving & Bringing Comfort From a College Bound Teen

At the risk of stereotyping: one of the great things about teenage boys, (well my teenage boys) is that as long as they have some form of technology in their hands, they do not want very much else.

Last August when it came time to kit Aron out for his college room, he didn't seem to want or need anything.

Hangers? -I can take them from my wardrobe.

New blanket? - I'll take the one from my bed.

Garbage can? -I'll take the one from my room...and so it went on.

Aron, unlike many of his (female) friends did not want to buy up the brochure display of college rooms or have everything matching. 

I, on the other hand, wanted to buy him ONE new thing for his college room or at the very least, encourage him to use some of the generous gift cards he had received as graduation gifts. 

5 Blessings of a Skinned Knee, When You're 48 1/2

In    that        oh     so      slow-motion   moment     between   tripping   and      landing,     SLAP    on the flagstones,  
            I think I was…..airborne.

I don't remember it exactly.

I had an image flash by, of a woman in the distance, bringing her palms to either side of her 'o' shaped mouth. 

 I heard the crack of my iPhone screen, in my hand, as it met the sidewalk of a leafy Manhattan street.

 Landing on my hands and knees, I looked up to see a young couple peering down at me with great concern.

How Stories Help You Bring Comfort to Your Children During Scary Times.

My Dad was dying. 

I was devastated and I knew my children aged 3 and 5, would be too. 

I realized I needed to tell them what was happening and give them opportunities to ask questions. But I didn't feel I had the language  to explain to them in a way that would be meaningful, honest and age appropriate. 

As a matter of course, when my boys were small, we read together every night and this was a familiar ritual and a comforting time at the end of the day.

I love books and as a parent and educator, I know that appropriate stories are a great vehicle for introducing new ideas to children  and for calming their fears.

Ignoring the Homeless. What would you have done?

What would you have done?

(If you would prefer to listen to me reading this post, click the arrow below)

As we opened the back gate of our garden towards a wooded area behind our house, we noticed a white tarp bunched on the worn ground.  

My husband and I had been taking a little walk around the inside perimeter of our fence, checking its condition and notching up what might need repairing.  

Having spotted this discarded tarp and having just read a great psychological, detective story called In The Woods by Tana French,(See Amazon link at the side of this page)  our minds were racing. 

We speculated aloud about what could be underneath….. 

The Surprising Secret to Joyful Living.

On my Facebook page, I asked my FB friends this question,

 "If you could repeat one simple pleasure or go to your favorite  spot, what would it be?" 

The answers, and I got many (thank you!) included,

beach walking during the day or at dusk,  picnics, sunny spots, sunsets, diving, honeymoon vacations, star gazing, a soccer stadium.

Cities with special memories, childhood homes and rose gardens.

Snow capped mountains and busy markets,

Pina coladas, iced coffee, tomato soup and warm bread, belgian chocolate and peanut butter ice-cream.

To be fair, I wasn't quite honest with my question. 

What I really wanted to ask was.........

When You've Been Let Down AGAIN by Someone You Depended On: 5 Ways to Cope.

America has expended a lot of energy, trying to change Putin. Sanctions, threats and many meetings and discussions have not made any difference.

Typically people don't change just because we want them to. 

I'm no political theorist and I don't have a solution to the Russian conundrum, but I do understand something about relationships. 

Whatever kind of relationships we are talking about, one thing I know for sure: we can't change other people. Only they can change themselves. 

So where does this leave us?

Healing Fractured Lives: What You will Learn From the Wisdom of a Holocaust Survivor & an Ancient Art of Pottery Restoration

The death on Feb 23rd of the oldest Holocaust survivor, Alice Herz-Sommer  at the age of 110 gave many of us pause for thought. 

In 1943, by the time she was imprisoned  in the concentration camp in Terezin, Alice was an accomplished musician, married and had a 7 year old child. Playing in the Nazi camp's orchestra, saved her and protected her young son's life. (A documentary of her life just won an Oscar: The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life) 


Having her mother transported to Dachau- the death camp, her husband die of typhus in the concentration camp in which she was imprisoned and witnessing the atrocities of the camps, I wondered how Alice not only managed to contain her feelings, survived the wounds of her experiences, but also pieced her life back together. 

How did  she go on to thrive, grow and live a rich, rewarding, remarkably long life?

There is nothing that can compare to the horrors and evil of the Holocaust, but Alice's story begs the question - how do any of us pick up the shards of our shattered dreams and recover from the difficult challenges life throws at us?

Parenting When Your Child is Sick: Finding Strength You Did Not Know You Had Until You Were Put To The Test.

It can be tough being a parent, even when things are going well.

Juggling your children's meals, activities, learning, moods, hormones, social lives and school schedules along with your own, can be challenging at the best of times.

So when something goes wrong for your child, that may affect them for a lifetime, only then do you realize where your strength lies and how it re enforces what it means to rise to the tough task of parenting.

Living in Hong Kong in 1999, at the age of 3, our middle son Aron was diagnosed with a rare developmental ( acquired) cataract in his right eye. 

This meant he could barely see the big A on the screening board.

Family Home Destroyed By Falling Tree - Do Worries Like These Keep You Up at Night?

Ever since we moved into our house, this worry has kept me up at night. 

With every raging storm, I have been convinced that the whining, creaking sounds outside are emanating from a tree about to collapse.

 Last weekend those worries rose to the surface again.  

It's not always easy to see the silver linings in the gathering clouds. 

It's not easy to be thankful when plans are upended and unexpected situations take away time, money, future plans or good health. 

Sometimes, however a prevailing feeling helps us to understand that even when seemingly bad things happen, there is goodness within.

Since I wrote my last blog post a week ago, a huge tree came crashing down, in our garden. When Jonny (my hubbie) posted a picture of said tree on Facebook, a friend commented,

"Never a dull moment in the Cannon household." 

And that was an understatement.

Too right! It's never dull!.....

A Typhoon's Deadly Toll: How You Can Go From Feeling Helpless to Helpful In This One Simple Step

Aida, our former housekeeper, was born in the Philippines. Her sisters and brothers are directly affected by the super-typhoon that hit Tacloban.

The deadly storm, Typhoon Haiyan followed hot on the heels of a 7.2 earthquake that hit Bohol on October 15 and has further devastated the towns and villages of Aida's family and friends.

World catastrophes can make us feel very helpless in the face of such enormous devastation and tumult.

Comforting Without Words:The Power of Touch

In 1998 when my father was dying in a hospital in London, we all tiptoed round him, sat close, but not too close and observed him drifting in and out of sleep. 

Benjy, my first-born, who was five years old at the time, came into my father's room to say goodbye. He walked to the end of my father's bed  and in a clear voice asked him very simply, 

Apologizing: Valuing Your Relationship More Than Your Ego

As the Jewish season of repentence reaches a crescendo and apologizing is high on the to-do list, I have been thinking a lot about why apologizing can be so difficult. The  process for giving an apology is well documented by psychologists and Rabbis alike. 

1. Recognize you have upset someone

2. Ask for forgiveness

3. Offer to make reparations

4. Don't do it again.

Relationships we value are precious and require nurturing. However that does not mean they are without controversy, misunderstandings or disagreements. Relationships - professional and personal - need constant work and communication. Even with the best intentions, arguments can ensue and feelings can be hurt. 

Here are some questions I have been grappling with and I wonder if you have too.

When we do argue with people we care about, what is it that can make apologizing so difficult ?

Why do we have a difficult time apologizing without justification or caveat?

and 

What must  we do BEFORE we make the apology?

A story first.....

My Pantry Exposed!:What Clearing the Clutter Does for Your Mind & Spirit.

When we came home from our annual week at the beach I had a whole boxful of half eaten foods to return to my pantry. Open packets of crackers, started cereals, cans of tuna, boxes of angel hair pasta...... You get the idea. 

The problem was my pantry was already jam packed full of these same items, in complete disarray.

6 Unexpected Lessons For Life, Learned From Drying Hydrangeas!

Hydrangeas in my garden in June

I am trying to dry hydrangeas. (Bear with me! I promise to move on from flower drying.) 

 I am on my third attempt. 

The first time I thought I knew best and surmised it was just like drying herbs or roses so I hung them up side down, bound together,  on a hook from the ceiling. Not a bad idea I thought.  I imagined they would keep their shape, their color would fade a little but the individual flowers would remain open and beautiful, if a little dulled.

 It was a disaster..........

How to Meditate When You Can't Sit Still: The Ultimate Guide

Rachel Ducker Wire Sculpture

             Today, I inadvertently came up with a way to relax my brain and release myself from all my racing thoughts for 30 minutes. 

Have you ever tried to clear your head for half an hour and breathe deeply? 

Have you ever tried to stop the thoughts pounding your brain, problems encroaching your clarity and the to-do list preventing you from slowing your breathing?


 I have tried. Many times. Only to have one of three things happen......

5 Rewarding Reasons to Take a Risk-Why It's Worth Getting Your Feet Wet.

Here's a secret you didn't know about me. 

I really don't like walking barefoot. I know some of you hate wearing shoes but I don't like to be without them.

I wear my shoes from the moment I get out of bed until I get back in again. Yes I do take them off to shower and to put on socks, but even if it is flip-flops, I always have something on my feet. 

I don't like the feeling of crumbs (and in our house they feel as though they are everywhere)  or kitchen tile in-between or under my toes and my feet are often cold so shoes of some kind, off-set that. 

And here's another secret......

Moving from Hurt to Healing: How 1 Step Back Can Take You 2 Steps Forward

The Lily we planted has bloomed!

This morning, like every morning as I went out to the car in my driveway, I glanced at the lily. Aida and I had planted it in memory of her sister, who had died suddenly back at the beginning of May.

During difficult times, it is often hard to picture life any other way. In the heart of a crisis, serious illness, medical emergency, divorce, bereavement or job loss it is difficult to imagine that things will ever be different or better. Looking out into the future is frightening particularly if what you imagine is more of what you are living through or dare I say it, worse. Sometimes things do get worse, before they get better. 

Rarely do they stay the same. 

The Secret to Anger Management

.....without using it's turn signal

Have you ever tried to look on the bright side of a challenging situation, only to have it backfire, with you feeling more angry, resentful or frustrated?

Have you ever held anger inside you, only to channel it at some poor innocent bystander or your kids or your mom or your spouse?

Has there ever been a time when anger languished in your mind, festered and grew whilst you tried to see the positive in a difficult situation, only to find it come back to the surface when you met that situation or person again?

The first of these three scenarios happened to me just last week.

Sunshine and Rain-How To Live With Both.

Glancing out the window as I write, I notice the sun is glinting on the rain soaked leaves. It has been that kind of day: torrential rain splattered with bursts of humid, misty sunshine.

And it has been that kind of week in our school and synagogue community. 

With celebrations of the highest order and tragedy so deep, we cannot find words to express emotions.

5 Ways to Bring Comfort in Times of Illness or Distress.

  

Aida

We all want to help people in times of illness or distress. Often it is very difficult to know WHAT to do in these situations, even though we would love to bring comfort to people we care about.

Twelve years ago when we came from Hong Kong to live in the USA, we were very lucky that Aida our Filipino housekeeper came with us.