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I don't normally tell anyone when I'm going for a check-up at the doctor.
It's almost like posting a picture of what I ate for dinner, on Facebook….. Not very interesting.
But on returning home from this particular visit, my emotions are choking me.
I feel tears welling and I'm shocked that my body is responding this way to a routine appointment.
But here's the thing……..
I went to the gastrointerologist to schedule my colonoscopy. This is my second in 5 years. I was 43 when I had my first.
Because at 59, my dad died from colon cancer after battling it for a year…... And my internist and gastro are not taking any chances.
So really, I should just feel relieved that I'm in such caring and capable hands.
as anyone who has lost someone that they loved, knows……
it's the unexpected moments that trigger memories and trip you up.
Not that anniversaries are easy, but you are often more prepared for particular days and recognize these situations can evoke strong emotions.
I have to say, this doctor's visit wasn't on my "Be prepared for an emotional response." list.
As we went over my family history, the gentle doc asked me again about my dad: when he was diagnosed and so on. The doc is probably the age my dad was, when he had his first symptoms. He looked at me sadly and knowingly.
It was then, with that small nod of his head, and few moments of silence that he signaled how sorry he was.
It was at that minute, that so much came to the forefront of my mind.
That my father was in the prime of his life.
That if he'd had the kind of care that I have now, he would be alive today.
That I was in this doctor's office at an age when most people haven't had their first colonoscopy, because my father was young but diagnosed too late.
That this doctor's sensitivity and kindness echoed for me the same gentle personality my father had. And in some way it felt as though my father was making sure I was getting the caring I needed, along with the expertise.
This doctor was interested in me, in my children, in what I do. He was glad to hear that Jonny's trigeminal neuralgia is under such good control since I last saw him.
And he was interested in my journey from educator to blogger in response to my husband's illness and that my main goal is to bring people comfort.
My Dad would have taken the same interest and care in me.
It's been 15 1/2 years since I spoke to him last.
And that is why my tears are falling.
I miss him terribly.
Have you ever been tripped up by an unexpected emotion - e.g...sadness, fear, rage, delight?
Please share you story below, so others know they are not alone.
Tell me what happened, how you felt and how you coped.
What brought you the most comfort at that time?What brings you comfort now?
Sending love to you all.
P.S. If it's time for your colonoscopy, please don't put it off. When detected early, colon cancer is one of the most curable.
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