Monday, March 19, 2012

Four Girls and a Bar of Chocolate


** This post is dedicated to  strong, resilient, brave friends  all over the world  who are living  with serious illness:  patients  and  caregivers. **


Here we sit, four of us in Edgar’s in Manhattan on a Saturday night. We’ve all gathered for the weekend for M’s son’s Bar Mitzvah and it is obviously time to eat again. Four of us in our forties, each dealing with medical issues of our own, or our family’s, are at crossroads in our lives.

There is much to discuss.
Two of us are breast cancer survivors, one is going through her 3rd course of chemo in 20 years, one has multiple sclerosis and one has a husband recovering from brain surgery. One is job hunting, three have given up jobs due to family illness. You’d think it would be a depressing conversation. Three of us are originally from England and have known each other since childhood. One is Canadian and newer to us all but we feel we have known her since we were kids. We all have children, two have sick parents, two have lost our fathers and worry about our mothers. We are the sandwich generation.

But then we get out the chocolate and we begin to laugh. We laugh so much that our sides ache, our eyes are filled with tears and customers at the other tables are looking at us rather strangely. We laugh about very serious things, in a way you can only do if you have experienced them yourself and feel in safe company –breast reconstruction, job loss, brain MRIs, counselling, children affected by their parents’ illnesses. We predict each other’s answers and this only makes us giggle more. The chocolate is passed around and we take deep gulping breaths. We look at each other and shake our heads that we are here together, in a country none of us grew up in, celebrating in the midst of crisis, laughing with the future unknown and gaining strength that friendship, support, love, lots of belly aching  laughter and good English chocolate can make everything seem okay, at least for a moment.

* Please email me at gilly@bringingbooksofcomfort.org or leave a comment on this post. I'd love to have your feedback. 


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13 comments:

  1. feel like i was there.....totally!

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  2. Dedicated to you and other amazing people! Support and love and chocolate all help don't you think??
    Thanks for commenting Gabi. Take care Gillyxx

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  3. Beautiful post. There is something about sharing. A chocolate bar, so good scotch or a kiddish lunch. Sharing food and/drink an archetypal representation of community and support.

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  4. Thank you Corey. I think that food and drink definitely provide a framework for giving and getting support. In this case the chocolate was also symbolic of our roots, childhood and comfort. Gilly

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  5. Old friends are the best medicine sometimes. It makes such a difference, when you live in anopther country, if you are able to get together with childhood friends once in a while. Lovely post and I wish good health to all of you. xxx

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  6. I agree completely. There is something very reassuring about spending time with people who knew you way back when you lived in the home of your childhood and were part of that piece of your life, particularly if you've lived in many different places. Thanks for commenting Rachel as always!-Gillyx

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  7. Gilly I am always a little behind! but saw this and started to think of all the good times in Carmel if only we could all go back! Hey give Johnny a big kiss from me and let me know what we can do....lots of love Sandy

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    1. Hi Sandy -send your Mum! We always said she's such a tonic,we wished we could bottle her comments, they made us laugh so much.Carmel -those were the days!!
      I don't think we realized then what an oasis that time was. I see from face book you are rushing round Europe. Hope you are enjoying the work. Thanks for being in touch and for reading the blog.
      Love to you all.
      Gilly

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  8. Been there Gilly. Sometimes we just need to laugh.

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    1. Yes we do! Thank goodness there are opportunities to do so.Liz- the dedication at the beginning of this post had you in mind. Thank you for reading and commenting. Take care. Gilly

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    2. I have just read your reply....thank you Gilly

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  9. Love this, Gilly! Thank you for making me laugh, smile and even cry a little with the joy of knowing that no matter what we're going through, there is very little in life that can't be bettered and put into perspective with a good laugh, good friends and a good bar of chocolate....!

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    1. Mary-I'm so glad you enjoyed this post. Thank you for visiting Brainstorm and commenting. I'm sorry that I am only replying now! So glad to have "met" you via Twitter and to share loleloquentest and cyber chocolate on Tuesdays together! Hope we can share some real chocolate and a laugh in person one day! I know many people are benefitting from the great work you are doing @parentgiving Gilly

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