Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love In The Time Of Crisis




Most people I know lead crazy busy lives. We rush from carpool to work, to after school activities to after dinner activities and so on, in a blur. We know we love our parents, our spouses and our children and we do many things to show them we care, from dropping their forgotten lunch at school to arranging birthday celebrations.

When life takes a detour into serious illness, love turns you into a caretaker, health decision maker, advocate and nurse.
But it is at the “Grey’s Anatomy” moment, when you say goodbye to your loved one as he is wheeled off to the operating theater, that the love you have and dare I say it, you fear you might lose if all does not turn out well, comes into sharp relief.

Minutes before Jonny’s send off to surgery and our 18 year old  son, Benjy’s rendition of “Always look on the bright side of life” from Monty Python (yes the staff did look at us rather strangely as we sang along), Jonny in a sweet, slurry, drug induced kind of way and I in a stiff upper-lip counter balance,  discussed the precious love we have for each other and our hopes and fears that were dependent upon the surgical outcome.

Although the brain surgery Jonny was heading into is statistically very safe, you still sign the consent form that says you have understood the risks of surgery, that can lead to deafness, stroke or possibly death.  So it is at the moment, when you might possibly lose it all, and­ you hand over your loved one to the surgeons, that the depth and ferociousness of that love comes to the surface.­­­

And when you see them in recovery and they are hooked up to machines and swearing with pain, you hold back the tears of relief, that the opportunity to love that person more than ever, is back in your hands.

Gilly

P.S We have agreed to take less drastic measures in future, to show our affection for each other! If you have any original, non life threatening, suggestions let me know.....



12 comments:

  1. Dearest Gilly! Having been through a slightly different life-threatening experience, I feel I can emphathise with your comments about life, love and plans for the future. When Ian and I thought we had no future, we prayed together and we held on to each other, but we were lucky that we went through all that together. You were leaving Jonny in the hands of others. Thank G-d we are all here to tell the tales and are now living in our future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gilly,
      this is a stunning piece that reflects what hundreds of writers, musicians and poets before you struggle to convey - love is a fierce and sacred drive between people that is only supported by something intangible, mysterious and indescribeable.
      This makes me think about how closely related love of God and love of another person are. I think of "mi kamocha baelim adonai?" or "ahava raba ahavtanu" belive it or not. Maybe the human drive to love another is like the human quest for the Divine?

      Delete
    2. Perhaps it is the gift of being able to feel emotions of all kinds so deeply at these times that allows one to find the strength to keep moving forward and why humans often find praying a great comfort in crisis.We can direct the emotions of love, fear and anger towards G-d as a way to communicate and feel less alone.

      Delete
  2. Janice -your ordeal on the Costa Concordia must have bought so many emotions to the surface. Thank goodness you were together and you are safe now,to enjoy to the full what you thought you might lose. Here's to celebrating the wonderful gifts in our lives,that are sharper than ever, now we understand that we could have lost them. Gilly

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you Gilly for these beautiful words. Our love has been the single most important contributor to my strength and recovery. Best of all we can enjoy it now in health.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome. By the way, how did you know this post was about you??!xxxx

      Delete
  4. Beautiful Post Gilly. Happy to have found your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Corey-I appreciate you taking the time to feed back.Welcome aboard!

      Delete
  5. Hello Jonny,
    I don't go into Facebook much so I have just read your very alarming entry. Glad to hear you are recovering and wish you a refuah shlema (never was any good at transliteration!)
    All the best from here in Israel
    Richard Isaacs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Richard -I passed your message onto Jonny-he will reply....eventually! Thanks for being in touch.
      Gilly

      Delete
  6. Dear Gilly -- Haven't seen you or Jonny since the heyday of Kenton and BA camps, so we're talking about the time when one used to watch a friendly dinosaur on the way to Winter Camp.

    So sorry to hear of Jonny's illness, and subsequent surgery, and I just wanted to wish him a complete and speedy recovery. I must say that I find your (singular) writing and (your, plural) love for each other absolutely inspiring.

    Kol tuv, and much love,
    Debbie Hadar
    (FKA Debra Gold)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Debbie -so lovely of you to be in touch and thank you for your feedback. I hope all is well with you.
    Please keep reading!
    Gilly

    ReplyDelete