Pondering on the Porch

A porch with a view

I have spent a lot of time on our front porch since last August when Jonny's trigeminal neuralgia reared its head again. I planted out my garden to be an oasis, a place to contemplate, breath deeply and slowly,  a haven in which to recharge. (See Rabbit Wars)

Through all four seasons I sat out there drinking gallons of tea, often alone, sometimes making plans with Jonny, regularly chatting with friends. I listened, laughed and lamented about many things.  Often I watched our visitors come for a while and leave again and sometimes I  had a wistful fleeting wish to follow them........
...........I  also wanted to get up out of my chair and leave, just for a small amount of time. Not physically but metaphorically-walk away from being the caregiver, walk away from Jonny's pain from trigeminal neuralgia and surgical recovery, away from being on constant hyper alert,  away from the relentless lonely, heavy weight of responsibility a caregiver has for their beloved spouse. I realized there was a tremendous luxury in someone's challenging situation not being my immediate problem. You can come and take it on for a while and then leave it at the door.

 As I contemplated this, what also came to mind was that I often had no idea about the problems people who left our porch and situation, were going back home to: unemployment, infertility, living in a new country, an elderly parent, a complicated family relationship, a child with a severe learning disability, a nephew in a tragic accident, a sibling with a drug problem, a spouse with a life threatening illness. It is so easy to think that everyone else's life is perfectly fine, completely perfect and  unremarkable, untouched by sadness, anxiety, tragedy, illness or stress. But the truth is, I have learned that most people have a situation or relationship  in their lives that is complicated. Something they are grappling with. What you see is not what you get. Behind closed doors there may be a very different story.

And when I was looking out at those closed doors, I found it helped me to remember that I was not alone in having a messy, complex life, (although I wished for all of us that perhaps life could give us a break sometimes.) And  in spite of the health challenges our family has had in the last four years and how these issues have overshadowed other things, at a grass roots level, I still have what matters to me most - a loving, generous, brilliant husband and three amazing sons and I would still choose my wonderful, complicated, crazy life with all its trials and tribulations.

So I'm staying on my front porch reflecting on the ups and downs of our life- If you would like to take a break from yours, you are welcome to come and visit! Stay a while and have a cup of tea.

Gilly

Many thanks to you all for your support of  Brainstorm. If             Pondering on the porch gave you food for thought, please help spread the blog readership by sharing this post or others to your face book page. It's very simple to do.  Click on the F icon at the very bottom of this post, write a comment if you like and post the link. 
Thank you!


* Please email me at gilly@bringingbooksofcomfort.org or leave a comment on this post below. I'd love to have your feedback. 

     ***********************************************************************************
*Thank you for visiting Brainstorm. If you want to receive future posts by email please enter your address on the right hand side of this post,where it says "follow by email."