Customs and Traditions -An unexpected bonus?

You probably have customs and traditions with your family and friends, surrounding religious or secular holidays you celebrate. I know my family does.

(picture from DianaDesserts.com)

 Along with the many benefits of bringing loved ones together, I discovered that these traditions, often planted in childhood can bring great and perhaps unexpected comfort and joy  in old age.

Let me tell you about Cecilia....... 



One of my first assignments as a hospice volunteer with JSSA Hospice, was to visit with Cecilia* aged 86. She was living with her daughter, unable to take care of herself. She was suffering from congestive heart failure and increasing memory loss.

She had traveled a long way in many senses to get to this point. 

Physically she had journeyed from her Moroccan birth place through Europe with her husband and 1 small child to Boston, Florida and eventually Maryland. 

Emotionally she had to find new friends and  community in different  countries and states and  she learned three languages along the way.

Religiously she had come very far from her roots. She had grown up in a traditional Jewish family. She told me she had gone to synagogue every week with her father and siblings. She described, the delicious foods her mother made for the Sabbath and how as she grew up she used to love to cook.  Married and with a small child, the traditions of  her birth family went by the wayside as she and her husband made their long trek to the USA. Her grown daughter that she lived with, had moved away from the religion of her birth and Cecilia, in her last years celebrated nothing.  

But spiritually she continued to have great faith in G-d and she tried her best to be loving, appreciative and kind.

As her memory of the present deteriorated she began to alternate speaking French, her mother tongue  with English (my school book French was tested to its limits) and she had a hard time remembering what she had done days or hours earlier.

However, I discovered that if we talked about her childhood, her recollection was sharp. Her excitement bubbled when I bought her warm doughy challah to eat, which she had not tasted in years. And when I suggested around the Jewish New Year that we dip some apple in honey as is customary for a sweet new year, her face lit up and her eyes danced with excitement. 

But it was when I began to sing some simple Jewish prayers from her childhood that she may not have recited for 60 years or more, she  seemed to come fully alive.

On one visit to Cecilia, I bought 2 Shabbat candles to light  and  we said the blessing together, over and over. She could not remember my name but she  knew every word of that prayer. We sang songs from the Passover seder  and she could finish lines I started. We ate hamantaschen on the festival of Purim and lit Chanukah candles. On each of these occasions it  felt as if she was revealing precious hidden jewels that had been stored away. Treasure waiting to be found. Each recollection made her glow and brought her great joy.

 These rituals  were etched in her heart perfectly. Undisturbed for years. Neglected but not forgotten.

 She would cup her soft hands around  my cheeks, her milky brown eyes edged with tears and say to me,

"You are like my sister. Thank you, thank you."

And I would look back at her with my own moist eyes and wonder at the  miracle, importance and staying power of 
childhood memories and ritual and tradition.

Four years ago I helped Cecilia reflect on her memories and found ways to bring  her comfort and joy.

Today my memories of Cecilia and the happiness we shared together through her recollections are bringing me comfort and joy. In fact her memories have lasted longer than her lifetime because through her I  have seen firsthand that traditions transcend generations, families and backgrounds. 

Whatever you do and repeat, if you do it with purpose, love and joy like Cecilia's parents must have done, these priceless gifts to your family and friends will endure long past the occasions themselves.

 I wish all of you a year filled with joy, comfort and the making of traditions that touch others and last longer than our lifetimes.

Gilly

* Her name and identifying characteristics have been changed to preserve confidentiality.

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 Please email me at gilly@bringingbooksofcomfort.org or leave a comment on this post below. I'd love to have your feedback. 

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